Ambition & Realism

Oh my gosh, I've actually managed to get onto my own blog with my own com! Better cherish this moment to blog something or 2! Hee... This really cheers up my day! :)

Long before entering Medicine, I had an aspiration - to be a nice, caring and efficient doctor, well-loved by all his friends and patients. A doctor whom all can confide to and trust, a doctor who can also effectively manage all his patients with his top-notch skills. I told that to the interview panel. They took into my words and gave me a place to fulfil my dreams.

A year before stepping into school, my Medical Officers (MOs) told me my dream was noble and a brave one indeed. However, they told me too that I must be realistic and Medicine is not at all as picturesque as it projects. In fact, they had discouraged me to come into Medicine, saying that I had a better future in anywhere else with my 'talents'. Why? I asked them... 'It's too tough and the world is not as rosy as you see it to be.' I did not believe and refuted their words.

It has been 4 mths into Medicine now. Looking at all the marks that I am getting, and all the brains that are competing with each other, indeed, I'm begining to understand and digest their words. It's getting pretty unbearable as everyone just keeps studying and absorbing all day from their books and scrutinising and looking out for any competitors whom might mount a challenge to their grades. This daily tension is getting upon my nerves at times. Day by day, as the lectures and tutorials wear on, I ask myself why I had put myself into such a situation. Wasn't it all for the pride and glam as a doctor at stake? Wasn't studying to be a doctor supposedly a fun and enjoyable process? Wasn't studying Medicine suppose to make us kinder and more caring to everyone?

Perhaps, the evil Medicine thoughts are slowly creeping into my head. Everything done now is to get into the good books (suck up!!) of the Profs so that passing exams would be less a chore, so that promotions would be a breeze, so that the way to becoming a doctor, or a specialist, is guaranteed safe! Not for the patients but for the $$, so let's reap the hell out of them by putting them through unnecessary tests! Why, why has my views about Medicine start to change? Why has everyone changed after coming in, or is it only me?

I had refused to change but rather be myself upon entering school. I told myself to enjoy myself, join all the activities and refuse to be sucked into the 'mugging' culture of the faculty. I couldn't. Though you may be passing, but upon getting grades far worse than most of the cohort, the panic button unknowingly gets activated. Yes, I have officially become a part-time mugger of the Med Lib and looking on to be a full-time one soon. Sigh, my world is getting obscured and I wanna get out of it. Can I?

I'm keeping my spirits high. Everyday I put on a smile, as I know with each day that past, I am a step closer to my ambition. The road is tough, demanding and does not have an end. But I'm keeping my vision alive. To study hard, and play as hard as possible as well, to show others that yes, Medicine is not all about mugging, but more importantly, having a life! A life filled with joy and passion, a passion for the things we do and the patients that we care for! Yeah, I think I feel more alive with a clearer sight of my dreams now! :)