~ Happy CNY to all, wherever you may be!~

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that's the score i'm giving myself in the love department after today. yeah, i think i flopped real badly. so that's the price to pay for procrastination and having not the guts to do something i really wanted. i'm just a coward, always running away from things . full-stop. oh well, it's gone. so move on kid. easier said than done. i'm at an all time low morale and i need to hold onto something to prevent myself from slipping further. great! what a way to start the new year... thanks wong yi for your advice. guess it'll just take some time. hopefully not too long...

fishy fishy, so glad to see u today! oh man, u've slimmed down quite a bit i must say, but i still can't imagine you as an air force lieutenant while holding a playstation console as weapon and with such sleepy eyes! fish is Eugene, my RI/RJC badminton mate, an idiot who never fails to irritate me during my entire rafflesian school life!! haha, yes, if u think i'm bad, he's much worse at irritating pple! this dude is also the one to give me the wierdest nick i've ever had - aik jin - which means 1 spearm... grr... and aik is gotten from my name victor tan AIK khien (which accounts for my email victortak!! so tak is NEVER EVER my surname!!) it's internal joke so u wun get it. haha, but everytime we keep talking about these nickz, it just keeps us laughing... those good old days - training in indonesia and running 10km up the mountains, putting toothpaste on each other during camp and the long haul bus rides after training ends at 9pm... yeah, those were the days. i wonder how the rest of my team mates are doing... hmm... where are they??

a day of ups and down... as usual, pessimist vic is always affected more by the 1 bad news than 1001 good news...

haven been able to be on time for school these days. either i oversleep, which is what i've never never ever done before or i'm unable to catch the bus to jianhong's car. small matter though as somehow the lecturers manage to only start when i step into LT. did they predict to start the lecture only when i arrive? hmm..haha...joking there.

i'm so super bothered by my micro b results. sheesh. i'm pathetically hovering at the 59 region while the rest of the cohort is acing the test with scores of 70+ and 80+. i feel like shit because it's not as though i din study. but yet, even with the enormous efforts, i'm still getting shit results. i'm glad i passed, definitely, yet i feel no ecstasy because i'm still the bottom of the pack. i'm getting very tired and jaded with the studying and i'm only pushing through because i wanna kill no patients with my lack of incompetence. another major factor - i dun wanna be called upfor vivas nor supps. it's really scary and it scares me 365 days everyday. having gone through supps before, which not many have, i just wanna say it was a nightmare! kaoz... how?

got uplifted after that with a $50 clinical trial @ nuh. had to endure 8 minor pricks on each forearm with 8 different fungi and dust mites, another 8 intra dermal injections on the left arm and 1 tube of blood drawn from the right median cubital vein. ouch, but i think it's worth it cos i'm doing a favour for the nation about future allergy rhinitis cures and also a favour for myself to dig myself out of poverty! win-win situation... yeah! but it was so itchy for 1/2 hr and 1 couldn't scratch at all!!

off to catch kaira gong's nus campus concert next @ temasek hall. this is my 1st campus concert and it sure was exciting hearing live music from a true blue chinese pop star! she's a babe man and i forecast her to rise as big as stef sun in the near future! for all those who have not heard her, i think you should start to notice her... this concert got me a pleasant surprise too cos i unkowningly stumbled upon most of my RJCLDCS seniors and grandseniors!! gosh, i was so happy to see them, having heard nothing from them over the past 4 years!! so nice to see the cool guyz and pretty ladies and it sure brought back memories of those days when we struggled as students to put up stage productions and all the meetings and talk-cock sessions and etc. how i reminise those JC days when i just blindly studied hard to get into medicine, trained hard for badminton for the national gold, performed with all my might for a good show to the audience and den the cycle repeats everyday... man!

Yau Hong and my itchy prickly induced rashes on my forearm 

my RJCLDCS seniors and grandseniors! 

Kaira Gong!! The next star on the rise!! 

Yes 93.3FM DJ - Peifen!! 

Just wanna mention a word of thanks to everyone for trying to give suggestions to help solve my problems at hand... T H A N K Y O U!

Am just happy to get the CAs out of my way at the moment, it was kinda depressing day in day out for 3 weeks to read those notes over and over again, only to find my memory space so small i can't even rem a page of words. Gosh, I'm really suffering from dementia already. Feel more and more stupid every minute that I am in medicine... Jialat!!

Had a power heart-to-heart chat with wen hann after the CAs for 3 hrs. Man, never had such manly talk for decades and it was really nice pouring out troubles and issues and for another person to share opinions and ideas. kool! love it! this guy has pretty cool analytical skills which i totally lack of and tks guy for taking the time off for putting my heart at ease, owe u one there! after that, i got down to town to buy some chocs to ease my chocs. it's always my favourite way of getting out of situations. haha. but i think i went a little crazy as to buy my 1st expensive chocs - Royce - to be exact and spent a little bomb. omg, u really gotta taste that, it literally melts in the mouth with the first and only bite! (and did i mention i'm finishing the whole box as i'm blogging now?? whee!!) and the packaging is so cute!! the woman had to wrap the choc in ice for me to make sure it stayed fresh when i went home... W-O-W!

Happy 20th Nat Woong! Yeah, we celebrated her belated bday with a spagetti lunch yesterday in jiawei's house! Ouyang's not bad a cook, i gotta admit, because my stomach was filled with yummy pasta and carbonara sauce and i've no complaints! haha, the guys played PS2 and it's amazing to watch them fight out over winning 11 and WWE... what was better was watching wee soon and jingxiang acting out for the game cranium... it was laughter to the max!! later was a leg breaking evening walk with charmaine and jayne along orchard road...from far east to plaza sing!! got to see their extremely cute, girly and childish side but for own safety and for their dignity, i shan't blog it here. in case some threats they made turn real... but these gals r not as bimbo-ish as tot... just need to understand them a little more lah...

1st time i overslept for school today! how embarassing to receive a call from et in the morn only to find out i was late for jianhong's car at 0810 hrs!! yuckz!! glad to have made a diff today to qiumei by giving her her super belated bday-cum-xmas present of a purple havanas sandals. wong yi and 1 were at our wits end whenwe tot the sandals could not fit her feet because it was the smallest one that we could find. phew, it was just nice and at least the hard effort to search the present for 2 weeks paid off... yeah! i like it when i see smiles on pple's faces whom i made a diff to... it's just so heart-warming and comforting!!

gotta go read memoirs of geisha now... the next hottest thing other than the geishas themselves... haha!!

I can't study I can't study I CAN'T STUDY!!

Y must the 2 of you fight! Y Y? What the hell is wrong with both of you!! Now I can see a family break up no thanks to the 2 of you and if it does so, I'll be so very sad. Here I am trying to protect my younger sis from all your nonsense quarrellings and there you are going on and on about each other's religious rights, and you think both of you are right!! I think not!! Both of you are foolish, very stupid if I must say! Can't both of you spare a thought for everyone else and just behave like real adults? Can't both of you just stay away from religion, can't both of you think??!! I think i'm already not thinking rationally now because I'm so very affected by this becoz I dun wan my younger sis to be implicated and embroiled in this situation. Dad n mum are already not talking and now mum and sis. How ideal can this situation be??

Today as I came home from school, I saw an RTA (road traffic accident) near my house. Incidentally, this is also the 1st in my area ever since it was opened. There was a dead body, but my 1st thought came to be my mum, who had voiced her threats before. Luckily she was home when I was back, but it shows how paranoid I am now....

Can someone tell me what to do now...

I'm very very lost for the 1st time in my life...

Very very lost...

people have wondered y am i always such a pessimist. i've no clue nor answer to that. perhaps it's the environment that i was brought up that churned me into such a person. just take today for example. i just heard that my cousin has just killed 3 people with his 'superb driving skills' and my grandpa's very devastated and on a brink of illness which may take him away soon if any more such news breaks out. and right now, my buddhist mum is thrashing my sis for taking into christianty and threatening to commit suicide if my sis continues going to chruch. i can't decide which side i should stand on because i think both sides are equally foolish by standing firm on their 'principles', which totally doesn't make sense to me. i hate religions and its negative brainwashing effects! i hate it the situation is of no fault of mine yet i'm thrown in to mediate the situation, with very serious repercussions! how i hate new year 2006! the worse start to any year i ever had!!

Happy New Year to all!! It's 2006 and a fresh new start for everyone, including me!!

Tonight's countdown was great! Was with Jen Jen, my pri sch classmate whom I've not seen in almost 11 years @ the esplanade. Boy, was there much to chat about and yeah, this gal is going to do a thesis on zebra fish liver for her FYP in NTU Life Science. Who in the world knows that zebra fish exists and that fish has liver?? I certainly din know till today. Esplanade was super jammed packed with humans, esp PRCs and Indians, and looks just like NUS population!! Only bigger and with more kids around! Can't believe I was back to squeeze with humans and we idled for 1 hr just to stand and wait for the fireworkz. Luckily, it did not disappoint us as the skies were radiated with tonnes of amazing colourful shades! What a way to usher in the new year!

For this year, I just wanna pass all my examinations well and in peace. Is that too much to ask for? I dun wanna scrape through like how I did last year...zaps so much energy and puts a toil on mental capacity... supps is just not fun at all!! Yeah, for now, it's full steam ahead for the 9 Jan CAs! Just let me fulfil my 1st and only wish pls?